blah
i feel out of place no matter where i go . in axtell, it was because i was different than most of the people there . here, its because my roommates drink and i dont . its not a bad thing that they drink, its just that i dont and when you drink you do different kinds of things than people who dont drink . also, they like to party and thats just not my thing . its not that they are leaving me out, because they arent i know that they want me to go with them, but i know i wont have any fun, and i would probably ruin the fun they were trying to have in the process . when i visit home, its victoria . i cant do anything in that house with victoria there im not saying its her fault either . just being around that little girl brings out my absolute worst side and i hate it . when i try being nice to her, and doing things with her, i just get so frusturated because she is so much like me and it drives me bonkers . i am just having a horrible day/week/whatever right now and i dont even get calls from people who mean so much to me in a normal day, so im not expecting any special treatment now . denise talked to me on messenger before i left for work and to be honest i dont even know what she said and that was just an hour ago . im just at a loss of what to do with myself, with my time and just in general . im at work right now and im just kinda floating along, trying to pretend like theres nothing wrong .
posted by Chelie @ 2:56 PM
2 Comments:
At 4:55 PM,
Netter said…
One of the hardest things in the world to deal with is the fact that we are in control of ourselves. Sometimes I think we all get to upset because we are not on top of the world, happy with joy, all the time. There are days that are sad, aggrivating and sometimes just plain lonely. I think it is quite normal not to feel like you belong. I rarely do and it took me years to become comfortable with that fact that the more comfrortable I become with who I am the more comfortable I am in any given situation. I never used to drink at parties but I had a great time anyway. I just went with the flow, laughed at the drunks. You don't slow the party down if you are not drinking.
Do you think you are just a little depressed? Sometimes depression causes us to be forgetful and if you don't remember what you talked about with Denise an hour after you got of the phone, that could be why. Especially since you menitoned you are a little bothered because people don't call you more. Why don't you find someone to talk to about how you are feeling. Your school must have a free mental health consultant. They can help you deal with the way you are feeling and give you a new way to view things.
Ofcourse, I know we all just get the Blah's sometimes....I do. Sometimes its hormonal....and I just have to let it play its self out.
Either way, keep your chin up, feel better, and remember to keep trucking, scope out things that keep you busy, that are positive and that you enjoy doing. Drop me an email or IM me if you ever want to talk. I'm here.
At 11:15 AM,
Chelie said…
Thank you, but I have been feeling this way in general for a couple months, but I have been pushing it aside, telling myself that its just how i feel at the moment, and that moment will pass, but i know i have to do something with myself before the moment can pass.
I've never been good at expressing how i feel, im better at listening. Ask Cindy, because when i babysat for Danielle, she always talked about things that were bothering her while taking me home, or bringing me to Summerfield.
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